


Headline

by Tyger



Category: Baccano!
Genre: AU, AU (complete), Community: au_bingo, Gen, Newspapers, Superpowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-23
Updated: 2011-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-19 21:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyger/pseuds/Tyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>MYSTERIOUS THIEVES STRIKE AGAIN.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Headline

**Author's Note:**

> For [Admiral](http://admiral.dreamwidth.org/) @ DW, using the [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/au_bingo/profile)[**au_bingo**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/au_bingo/) prompt 'superpowers'.

      **MYSTERIOUS THIEVES STRIKE AGAIN.**

        Undisclosed Location, Western Metropolis, 10:34pm - In another shocking incident, the two mysterious thieves once dubbed 'the King and Queen of Moral Ambiguity' have struck again. In this, the third incident this week - and the 813th known offence in the past quarter century - the incomprehensible duo have made off with the stone gargoyles that until just yesterday have adorned the roof of this private residence. The occupants, who wish to remain anonymous, are baffled at the motives behind the crime; they are, in their own words, "just ordinary blokes". The gargoyles are granite, but no more than a foot high each, and while aesthetic as gargoyles go they are not worth much in the way of money, supporting the householders in their claims of uncomprehending ignorance at the thieves' motives.

        BACKGROUND!: Known for their seemingly random crimes and exotic costumes, the two thieves are nevertheless shrouded in mystery. Their secret identities are utterly unknown, and even their working lives are evasive, lacking even known names. Both the Evil League of Evil and the Justice League claim no knowledge of their identities, but the two first surfaced in the United States during the 1930s, but have since expanded worldwide. The few facts known about their appearance indicate that the woman is likely blonde and of average height, while the man in brunet and slightly taller. They have no known superpowers to date, but they appear identical in appearance now as they did twenty-five years ago, and they have also never been caught. Is this a sign of them, or simply intelligence combined with good makeup skills?

        Of their 813 known offences, only twelve amount to anything more than minor offences, but given the sheer scope both the FBI and Interpol have them on their radars. Given the lack of anything like solid information, however, the possibility of copycats cannot be ruled out.

        This theft comes straight on the heels of two more - on Monday afternoon the two were spotted making away with a cart of books left outside a bookstore, and on Thursday they reportedly held up a radio store and absconded with a box of antennas. This is their most active week on record, though admittedly far from their most financially damaging - that dubious honour still goes to their outrageous theft of the entire Genoard family fortune in the 1930s, both the millions of dollars in cash in addition to many of the more valuable items kept in the household at that time.

        The Chief of Police urges the public to come forward with any information they may have, no matter how minor it seems - even a possible sighting is worth reporting at this time. He is also requesting the help of the FBI, Interpol and Justice League in this investigation - what the pair lack in an identifiable motive behind their crimes they more than make up for in evading capture, and there is little doubt in anyone's mind that the sooner this case - and the more than twenty-five years worth of crimes attributed to the pair - is brought to justice the better.

        Earlier in the month the pair made off with a shipment of dental supplies and some bags of cement, bringing their yearly offence total to fifteen. What are they up to? And, perhaps more importantly, who are they?

  
        - S. Cube, Daily Days.


End file.
